A secure and happy family environment is the bare necessity
for the healthy growth and development of a child. In India, education and
academics have been the traditional focal points of stress. Parental pressure
for children to excel in their studies has been unusually high. Unlike other
countries, peer pressure does not seem to feature in the list of woes of an
Indian student.
With the rise of sports and entertainment as high revenue businesses in India, the traditional career focus of most Indians has turned to these fields. Most Indian parents are, however, unable to shrug off the need to pursue academics simultaneously.
Sachin Tendulkar, India’s best known cricketer, caused many parents to sit up and don their thinking hats when he revealed that his parents allowed academics to take a beating while he was out practicing. And yet, given the immense competition that is inevitable in any sport or entertainment activity, parents tend to goad their children into becoming all-rounders and children often end up as victims rather than success stories.
Psychological Impact on Children
While initially, farmers from regions with poor monsoons were considered the most vulnerable group, recent studies between 2015 and 2016 reveal that young adults of wealthier and educated families in the urban belt are more prone to ending their lives.
According to a 2017 news report about 2,471 students in the country took their lives in 2016 after having failed in examinations; in 2015, this number was pegged at 2,246. Most of these suicides are a result of parental pressure and high expectations, not consummate with the student’s skills or interests, say experts.
Maharashtra, Tamil Nadu, Andhra Pradesh, West Bengal and Madhya Pradesh seem to have set the worst precedents in this field. Even in cases where suicide is not on the child’s mind, such undue pressure coming from parents – people who are charged with nurturing and caring for the child – leads to a number of psychological issues, manifesting in different stages of youth and adulthood.
Academics Vs Sports Vs Arts
Two of the biggest failures of the Indian educational system
and parenting in modern India are the inability to identify learning
disabilities such as dyslexia and considering academic failure to be the end of
life. While some of the pressure on students and children may be attributed to
the ‘No Fail policy till Class VIII’, it is undeniable that a large amount of
the pressure comes from the parents. In Maharashtra and Tamil Nadu, for
example, a common complaint is that parents compel their wards to take up
science and mathematics as subjects in high school in the hope that their
children may become engineers or doctors. The children themselves may be
interested in commerce or the arts – a choice completely ignored.
Sports and physical activities while imperative for growing
children should also be considered de-stressing activities. Pro sports need an
early start but parental pressure creates more of an aversion to sporting
activities rather than inspire an enthusiasm. Competitive parents make it worse
with constant comparisons and shaming kids.
Dance, music, arts and other activities are excellent
choices when it comes to stimulating the creativity of children. They teach
essential values such as discipline, focus and team work, while also helping
children explore their potential outside the world of books. Parental pressure
to excel has unfortunately turned these pleasurable activities into competitive
events putting the children under immense stress.
Signs that Your Child May be Stressed
Disinterest is one of the greatest signs of a stressed
child. Lack of interest in studies, playtime, television and entertainment, or
outdoor activities, are telltale signs that something is not quite right. While
you investigate the cause, do also look out for extraordinary fatigue, lack of
hunger, disturbed sleep patterns, etc.
Watch out for frequent bouts of “sickness”. This is a common
sign among younger children. Frequent headaches, stomach aches and induced
nausea are some ways a young child may deal with fear or anxiety in general or
with regard to one particular activity.
Negativity and negative behaviour is almost revealing when
it comes to a child’s state of mind. Negative behaviour could include mood
swings, aggression, social isolation or refusal to interact with peers and
anxiety.
When it comes to teenagers, parental pressure and resultant
stress may translate into rebellion. Undesirable activities such as smoking,
drug addiction, playing truant from school, etc., may be manifestations of an
inability to deal with parental pressure.
Underachievement in activities that your child generally
likes participating in may be a cry for help. Excessive pressure may lead a
child to perform poorly in academics or in activities that he/she naturally
good at.
Positive Parenting
Introspect – Introspection is a key element of
parenting. After a long day, review your interactions with your child/ward.
Have these interactions been one-sided or does your child have the right to
disagree? Has your own behaviour been compelling rather than understanding and
inspiring?
Encourage – Encouragement, coming from parents, can be
a child’s stepping stone to success. You are a key player in your child’s
life and shall be the one your child will depend on to teach him/her
confidence, hard work and excellence. It is also your responsibility to teach
your child to accept failure without losing heart. Failure is a cue to seek
newer opportunities and not an occasion for mourning.
Interact – Some of the best times you are likely to
spend with your child are those when you are playing, laughing and
participating in fun or leisure activities. Make these times an opportunity to
build camaraderie and friendship. Any word of advice that you shall then have
will not sound like a commandment and will help strengthen your child’s
personality.
Seek Help – Seeking professional help for you and your
child is no longer taboo. In fact family counseling is a necessary part of life
given the fast paced lives we lead. Psychologists and counselors are trained to
identify negative behavioural patterns and help you break them.
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